TO MASK OR NOT TO MASK: IS THAT THE QUESTION?

To Mask or Not to Mask: Is That the Question?

To Mask or Not to Mask: Is That the Question?

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Masks are all the rage — literally. People get shot asking you to wear them. Some people smile and wave.

So what are the pros and cons of wearing pandemic masks? Here are a few of the innumerable reasons to wear and not to wear:

Pros


  • I might live longer.

  • The other guy might live longer.

  • Folks honk their horns at me. Usually, they don’t notice me at all.

  • People don’t comment on my two-tone hair.

  • East Asians wear them a lot and they die a lot less than we do.

  • It goes well with my last Botox.

  • The Surgeon General says I should.

  • They wear them in the West Wing of the White House (with exceptions).

  • People don’t hear me when I curse them out, especially those drivers who are trying to run me over.

  • Old guys don’t hit on me as much.

  • People think I’m conscientious — what do they know?

  • Waiters wear them and they look okay.

  • I no longer burn my lower nose at the beach.

  • Angela Merkel looks better in one; she doesn’t frown as much.

  • I feel better wearing one during anti-lockdown demonstrations.

  • Folks don’t notice I haven’t shaved for a week.

  • There are thousands of ways to wear them.

  • They’re great fashion statements.

  • They come in lots of colors.

  • I can make my own, and I haven’t crocheted in years.

  • My friends are wearing them on Facebook.

  • Instagram influencers like them.

  • People think they know my politics.

  • My ex-boyfriend (girlfriend) can’t recognize me.

  • People don’t notice my haircut makes me look like an extra from Lord of the Rings.

  • Big husky men come near me and they never do that at my age.

  • Hides bad dental work really well, especially English actors'.

  • People think I’m a bank robber.

  • People stare at me.

  • Cons

    • People stare at me.

    • People think I’m a bank robber.

    • Angry young people tell me they’re not going to wear those awful things because it impinges on their freedom, and I’m only wearing it because my son-in-law, the dentist, insists.

    • Now I know what my breath really smells like.

    • People think they know my politics; I don’t know my politics.

    • Folks with AR-15s get really close.

    • Folks without AR-15s stay really far away.

    • I sweat too much.

    • It keeps falling off my nose and then I touch my face and that can’t be good.

    • I can’t breathe. Then I cough more and get really bad looks.

    • It’s ruining my make-up.

    • I don’t like the colors, and why are they commercializing this, anyway?

    • I almost like the colors, but why are they politicizing this?

    • My glasses are so fogged up I can’t drive.

    • People think I’m from New York.

    • My ex-girlfriend (boyfriend) can’t recognize me.

    • I have to wash it all the time, and that wastes lots of energy.

    • Nobody asks for my phone number anymore.

    • My enemies are wearing them on Facebook.

    • No one can see my really great shade of lipstick.

    • Lipstick smears the insides and then I have to taste it all afternoon.

    • My boss likes me better without it.

    • I can’t find any, and they’re too expensive.

    • No one gets to see my killer smile, and I spent half my IRA on that.

    • I want to look like Zorro(a,) not a bank robber.



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